Jessy Assy

to collect my life insurance,

know that the electricity bill

comes on Tuesdays,

and I leave tips for the delivery man

in the jar beside that

empty beer bottle we’ve

now conveniently started using

as a vase.

Underneath our welcome mat,

you’ll find the keys to our basement

so if you decide to hide

my lifeless body there

check first if any rats

frolic about my future resting space.

I don’t mind sharing

but since we’re out of poison,

that could prove problematic

as exterminators cost an arm and a leg

[pun intended, in case you decide

 to chop me up to save space]

Now should you choose to have me incinerated

make sure to salvage my wallet first

and refer to the crumbled yellowed paper inside to

gain access to all of my bank accounts.

After all, you’d need my online statements to

to keep track of my car loan installments

that slowly but steadily will begin to surface

the beginning of each upcoming month.

And if you kill me after next Wednesday,

I’d owe my aesthetician some money too.

Since I took on that third job, I’ve noticed

That I don’t have time to shave anymore

so I’ve been investing in laser hair removal

to simultaneously remind me of

my femininity and save my marriage.

[funny how one causes the other

though I’m no longer sure which is which]

It’s like feeling homesick,

only without a home to feel sick for.

So should you choose to kill me,

know that I’ll linger on

loyally

as a decomposing doppleganger

dwelling decadently

in your debts.